To understand my little anecdotes, you need background information.  In order to provide that, I have created a character guide for you.

Rachel--Me, the wonderful, the fabulous...the accident-prone.  I also tend to follow in Simon Peter's footsteps in that I often demonstrate how I get my abnormally large feet into my even bigger mouth.

Chris--Joined Colorado Christian Academy one semester after I did.  We didn't speak much until our freshman year of high school, when I broke off my illegal relationship (I was thirteen, he was eighteen, and he wanted things that I sure wasn't gonna give).  That was when I started "training" him (whacking him across the head every time he said something inappropriate).  Now we're swell friends.

Justin--Chris's best friend (or at least a close facsimile).  One year younger than Chris and I.  Behaves mostly like your typical teenage guy.  He's learned to run away from me when I raise my hand...

John--Amy's husband, our youth pastor, and the principal/teacher of our school.  While his sense of humor is a little warped at times (a flaw which has befallen every CCA/RMCA student), he's always there to dole out advice, and despite the fact that he has earned the unfortunate nickname "Commander Nostrils", we really adore him.

Amy--Hearts of Fire leader and co-pastor of Generation of Destiny Youth Group.  She's the fun behind GOD Youth Group; she comes up with the games and the music.  We all love her.  She's awesome.

Abby--John and Amy's seven-year-old daughter.  Your typical seven-year-old.  Her antics amuse us.

Isaac--Abby's two-year-old brother.  I wonder if he has any idea he's about to be a big brother...

Pastor Fred--The patriarch.  We have no idea how old he is, but everyone straightens up when he walks up the stairs.  And NOBODY mouths off to Pastor Fred.  Well, one person did...we never saw him again...

Sister Karen--Pastor Fred's wife.  The matriarch.  She has a way of coercing you into helping with things...like helping her and Pastor move into their new house...something which Chris and I undertook in our freshman year...

Michael--Chris's little brother, one or two years younger than us.  No longer attends CCA/RMCA, but shows up from time to time.  A short fuse, a massive ego, and serious authority issues.  Your typical middle-schooler.

Jamie--The "OH...MY...G!" girl.  Tall, blonde, fun-loving, and obsessed with goats and miniature horses.  Like me, she's accident-prone.  (Visit her website, baaababyminis.1colony.com)

Stephanie--The "YOU STUPID MORON!" girl.  She's been one of my best friends since seventh grade and introduced me to Jamie.  A little dark, a little scary at times...maybe a little crazy (she once spoke to squirrels, don't ask)...but we love her.

Elizabeth--My oldest friend--we've known each other since fifth grade.  We know too much about each other to NOT be friends anymore.  A genius with the piano, she is as amazing a person as she is a musician.  I can tell this girl ANYTHING.  (Oh, and she LOVES the music of Steven Curtis Chapman...)

Now that you know the characters...enter the world!

SCHOOL'S OUT FOR SUMMER!

Yes, we sang that song on the last day of school, Chris, Justin, and I.  Last days of school at RMCA are usually interesting.

After an hour of discussing video game history (I say that should be a course at every high school USA, because it'll be the only class that teenage boys won't fall asleep in), we made our last sojurn to the park as sophomores (Justin as a freshman).  It was also Chris's and my first trip to the park as boyfriend and girlfriend...and our first basketball game as such.  Playing against John and Justin, I felt like a complete girl.

"I told you, I'm bad at basketball!" I shrieked as John made another basket.

When Chris's asthma started acting up--or when he just got lazy, we don't know which--he sat out and acted as "referee".  Justin and I, having finally had something of a conversation at school, decided to team up against John.  John tried to recruit Chris for his team.  His answer?

"NO!  I can't play against them!"  When I asked him why, his response was, "You're my girlfriend and Justin's my best friend."

Yep, it's still weird...

One week before our school/youth group bowling trip, Chris had been declared my official unofficial boyfriend (yes, I know how confusing it is).  With Amy helping Abby and Isaac in Lane 2 and John creaming us in Lane 1, Chris was fairly proud that he could beat me at bowling.  (I haven't been bowling since I was ten.)  After the game, he decided to try to show me up at something else: air hockey.

Now, against the wall catty-corner from the air hockey table where Chris and I were playing was a soccer arcade game (a soccer ball hooked up to an arcade machine, fake turf folded out in front of it, and the apparent objective of scoring a goal against a computerized goalie).  John was evidently bored.  He walked over and fed the soccer game the quarters.  Chris and I didn't pay much attention until...

"Aaugh!"

Klunk

John had tried to punt the ball and slipped on the fake turf that was spread over the linoleum.  His feet flew out from underneath him as he landed hard on his derriere.  I fell down laughing.  Chris, who wasn't in a much better condition, managed to crawl over to John.

"Are you all right?" he asked, poking his shoulder.

"My butt hurts!" John cried.

Yes, our youth pastor said that in the middle of a public place!  I was lying on the floor, laughing until my sides hurt.  It was three minutes before Chris and I could get back to our air hockey game.  (And for the record, he shut me out.  Brat...)

Driving Class

After an hour and a half of "basic mechanics" (making sure all the little lights on the car work), it was time to drive around the empty parking lot with my behind-the-wheel instructor with the driving school.  As I wove back and forth, I noticed the steering wheel was difficult to turn.  The power steering was out.  I couldn't even keep the car within the confines of the aisle.

"You're running over the imaginary cars," my BTW instructor warned me, reaching over to steer.  He narrowed his eyes.  "That's odd, your power steering's out..."

"Uh-huh," I nodded, glancing at the dashboard.  The needle on the water temperature gauge was flat against the red line.  "Uh...that's not good, right?"

"What's not good?"

"The radiator temperature," I said.

"Stop the car."

The radiator fan belt had come loose.  Half of my BTW lesson had to be rescheduled.  Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I BROKE THE DRIVING SCHOOL'S CAR!

Wisecracks

Various things that we hear that crack us up...

A man and his teenage daughter are showing his mother-in-law around their newly-built house before they move in.  In every room, the grandmother notices a smoke detector.  At the end of the tour, standing in a spare bedroom, the grandmother turns to the man and says, "Why is the smoke detector on the ceiling?"

Rachel: My mom likes to quote the movie "Armageddon" at me.

Chris: How so?

Rachel: "'He's not a choice; he's a lack of options!'"

Chris: Was she talking about your dad?

Little girl: Why do you call Grandma "Mom"?

Mother: Because she's my mother.

Little girl: Why doesn't she call you "Mom" like we do?

Mother: Because she's called me "Julia" since I was a girl.

Little girl: So when did you change your name to "Mom"?